I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
