guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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