I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
