Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
