She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
whose parrot is this?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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