Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
