I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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