I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
