So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
