it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
