so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
