so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
