she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
