Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
