I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Randomize
