there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
