We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
