and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
