Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
where are you?
Hypothermia
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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