You were right. It hurts to walk today.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
