All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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