My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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