i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He shit in the fireplace
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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