I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
