Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
