I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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