We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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