He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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