Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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