you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
