I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
