Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
