I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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