just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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