No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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