wakey wakey hands off snakey
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
