I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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