Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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