Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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