I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
