you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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