apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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