Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
