i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
