so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Randomize
