She is in my trunk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
