i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
