So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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