Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
