I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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