i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
