I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
