At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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