you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need moral support for this bender
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
