The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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