I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
